no one has a crush on me. i am too strong to be crushed

(Source: bepeu, via thesociallyawkwardserver)

• Guy: Mom, this is my friend Ian.
• His Mom: Oh hello Ian, I'm Carla!
• Me: Hello Carla, your son's dick has been in my mouth. Cheers!

People think that I’m a good person, but the reality is that I’m not. Aspiring. I’m an aspiring good person. Inherently, I’m bad. I come from an upbringing of struggle; emotional, financial, social. I’ve been cultured to make ends meet and find comfort, sometimes at the expense of my own integrity. The most forthright human setting is survival, and that has since evolved to survival and security. I’ve done my fair share of bad, and even now, presently, I’m attempting to turn some of those bads into good, but that task is never complete. Inherently, I’m selfish, focused primarily on myself at any given moment. But I’ve been actively trying to give more than I take. 

I’m going to stop this now, maybe do some more later. 

Can I please just not have problems, maybe?

I just really wanted to go to Indy Pride, but I didn’t want to go alone, so I didn’t. I need gay friends. 

Can I not just have an awkward, unconventionally attractive gay boy who drinks tea and is First Chair of an orchestra somewhere? 

So, I’m exhausted but it’s all for a good reason. I’m working with kids the entire summer, teaching theatre in it’s various capacities. I started this journey on Monday and I’m already running ‘E’. But as my colleague David pointed out, “It’s a good kind of tired.” I feel really good about what I’m doing. By engaging these kids in the arts, and specifically theatre, I am actively making the world a better, more knowledgeable, more tolerant place. In these three days, I’ve been  presently surprised by the intellect these 5 - 8 year old kids have shown me. I’ve stood in awe, and I’ve been brought down to me knees in laughter. Be all in all, I’m excited for an awesome summer full of theatre, enrichment, and memories. 

Well, teaching today was certainly something. The lead teacher is a really sweet lady, but she was panickiy a couple times today, which worries me because I don’t want to be that way when I’m leading my camp. I’ve been working for almost two hours on ideas for my camp. I hope this works out. Sheesh. 

A guy I asked out last year (who also rejected me) viewed my Okcupid profile today. I don’t know whether to laugh, be pissed, or be flattered. The universe just likes to fuck with me, I think. I can’t. 

Tell me why I can’t do anything right?